My mother's found a new crew for her tri-weekly morning badminton; meaner, leaner and keener than the last time I was home. My degree of suckage surprised my own personal and realistically lowly expectations of my badminton prowess. My mother was also dumbfounded at my complete and utter lack of racquet-eye-hand-shuttlecock coordination. I spent 90 minutes in 3 pity games, which lasted about 4 minutes each, avoiding several cheeky body shots once they smelt blood in the water, and receiving cheers when I did return the ball (5 times). I spent the rest of the time on the bench, before sidling out to avoid a fourth pity game.

After much thought, I've boiled my ineptitude down to the following reasons:

1. How fast does that thing go
Physically, I do not possess the requisite fast-twitch neck and eye muscles to follow the flight path of a shuttlecock smashed with venom. I get about half way, i.e. when the ball has passed onto my side of the net, and then wonder where the hell did it go. I think all Asian mothers have developed a set of freakishly strong, child-caning, shopping-carrying arm muscles.

2. Brain drain
Looking straight up is not a natural position for any animal. That is how a chicken can drown in a rain shower. Likewise, when the ball is plummeting straight onto my face, I think the crick in my neck impedes all blood flow to the depth receptors in my brain; no matter how long I have to wind up for this vertically-judged swing, there is critical failure to compute and ensuing embarrassment.

3. Badminton is not like netball
Where I have to ground myself strongly for a sprint or dodge or even to avoid injury when a player crashes into you; badminton is about moving like a butterfly. I'm not a butterfly. Having said that, I got good at dodging those body shots.

4. An extension of the arm
I cannot figure out how far away from my body the racquet head is at any point in the game. The hand should be where the body stops. I can proudly say that I caught every ball that was flicked at me this morning, but sadly you get no points for that.

5. Three people don't fit on half a court
Especially if one is a 5ft dynamite of Indonesian badminton fury and can cover the court in two bounds and a madly twitching racquet. I further enhanced my dodging and sidling skills and headed for the outer tramlines as soon as the rally started. I was ready to go guard the car to be honest.

I think I might try my hand at squash tomorrow. Mum beat Sam in five games to zero... sounds like I might have a chance. Against Sam, of course.

So what's this game about?

You have baby dragons and you grow them and then make more dragons

And then?

And then...er, that's it, really, oh, and you decorate your park

Ok...

...but they're so darned cute!

me: so they just got back this weekend
H: ya, work on monday
me:  oh...ok so i guess they're busy playing masukmasuk this weekend or rumah-rumah --was that ever a game, or is masuk-masuk the colloquial equivalent of what im trying to say
H:  i think u mean masak-masak
me:  HAHA yes, that's right. gosh...all the connotations around a game like 'masuk masuk'...
H:  yes, i thought it was cheeky of u to accuse him of playing masuk masuk
me:  hahahaha
H:  right. i have no friends.
me:  brilliance on a friday afternoon...ya me neither
H:  how about we just play LOL?

me: here you go, I had a few comments but nothing major...(basic, but not major)
d: oh ok, thanks
me: so I think this probably doesn't apply here (indicates line in the very obviously copied and pasted document)
d: oh right, yea that's obvious right, I know that, yea.
me: (so why is it still in there?)...ok, and then I didn't really understand what you meant here (it's so copy-paste, nothing joins up)
d: ah, bet you didn't know that they call IT 'information management' in the public sector, did you?
me: (brightly) oh really? gosh, I didn't know that (...so freaking change it coz we're not public sector!)...
d: ah ok, yea, I see your note about that - I tend to use capital letters across my document...
me: tee hee, I wondered about your seemingly random use of punctuation...
d: yea, but you don't mind, yea, if I keep it like that for now.
me: ...

I need a drink.

me:  booored..i simmed :D at work! +gasp+
w: i just got a call back from the nurse. i'm going to need at least 5 vaccinations =/ i'm waiting for a call back from dougie now abt the dog, had to call amazonas cos the health authroities wants to know whether the dog is ok or not
me:  omg wow so drama
w:  yeah sigh
me:  so are they goign to test you or just hit you with vaccinations?
w: they're going to hit me I think.
me: ok
w: I basically need to find out about the dog first before I call yvonne back
me: haha oh no! poor paqil
w: u mean poor me
me:  it must be pretty late in peru
w:  early, it's 9am
me:  oh right, was counting the wrong way. haha did you speak to dougie himself?
w:  maria said she'll get dougie to call me back. actually i wonder if u need jabs too...do u think?
me: me? no, i didnt get licked
w: what abt between the two of us
me: oh...urm ok.
w: I'll ask the nurse
me: ok
w: wow if you need to get 5 jabs too that'll be pretty spectacular
me: then i should stop laughing. wiki says it's rare
w: I'll still ask anyhow just in case

I've never been one for Facebook games: the idea of your schedule dictated by the ripening of virtual produce, of spending all of your hard earned fake cash on seeds and then logging on to find them withered, and of relying on friends to send you points so you can progress to the next basic weed that you can subsequently plant and kill. I never understood the attraction, and often ignored appeals for cows, chickens, sacks of grain and other agricultural implements.

Then Sims Social came along. I am terrible at The Sims. I get frustrated by being responsible for other beings dependent on me to tell them to take a shower when they are miserable and stinky, and who collapse on the floor from exhaustion because I did not send them to bed. So often the relationship starts wonderfully a-glow (of a greenish hue) but rapidly deteriorates. I find myself on the receiving end of a Lilliputian fit as his diamond turns a dark angry red before subsequently expiring from depression, malnutrition, and soiled underwear in his little hole of a house. I would not wish this existence on anyone, real or virtual, but back to the topic.

I initially came into contact with the game on a hiking holiday (read into that what you will about Chinese people on hiking holidays). This friend exclaimed something to the effect of dying plants, to which I think I responded with a derisive snort (it would be like me). There's little to do in a hiking town and your feet hurt from, well, hiking, so I sat and watched over his shoulder as he tended to his alter ego's expiring produce and general housekeeping.

It's like Sims for Noddies: big bright icons and instructions, happy music, cartoon-like characters - clearly designed to appeal to 12 year old minds. Not saying anything about the mental dexterity of this particular friend (who claims to play it only because it can be accessed at work), I was intrigued.

I started it last night. It was slow at first, I was confused. For instance, it was only about 20 minutes into the game that I realized my character was called 'Serenity'. Ah, irony. Anyway, I turned to the nearest authority on the game, my brother, who said he wouldn't sit next to me anymore if I continue to ask him as many questions as I do in WoW.

I figured it out myself, there was a couple of moments of panic, where my brother assuaged my fears by rather bluntly saying, 'Don't be stupid, you can't kill your Sim on this one', then eventually cottoned onto the general theme of the game: mutual cooperation. I immediately started reaching out to the handful of friends who sit in the intersection of: 1) geeky enough, 2) could be coerced into/already play the game, and 3) would not judge my level of desperation. At last count, there were 3.

My brother, who I traded a favour to 'ooh' and 'aah' at something he was building in another game for adding me as a neighbour and helping me build a room. He logged in, friend-ed me, 'came to visit', told me my house looked like crap and then fixed all my broken appliances; then I sent a request to the friend on the hiking holiday and another who works in the social apps industry. I'm now working on expanding my virtual network by exploiting my real life relationships, namely my sister and my boyfriend.

So you know if you need anything, be my Sim neighbour - I'll never callously ignore any requests or gifts of aid again. I'm still trying to build that room, by the way and am in need of paintbrushes.

Needless to say, all other web browsing activities have now been broken into 5 minute slots, which is the time taken to accumulate another energy point to 'spend' in the game. Too bad I can't access it at work.

Friday is blogging day because usually by this point of the week I'm looking for distractions in any shape or form, even having a tea (and I don't drink tea) with random colleagues (genuinely fascinated with what everyone else is doing because it's not what I'm meant to be doing at the moment).

Today, I've even more reason because my Lotus Notes certificate has expired which means email doesn't work, which is why I almost reached across to India and kissed the lovely IT support person that confirmed it could not be immediately renewed. From a wider LotusNote perspective though, I think it says a lot about an application when you have a dedicated option at the first menu: press 1 for problems with laptop or desktop pc, press 2 for a previous IT request, press 3 for issues with LotusNotes.

Sharepoint is now also being migrated so that's down too /twiddle thumbs

Weng has finally found out how to auction things in WoW and how much money it makes him. You should've seen how his eyes glowed when he cashed in his first ticket. I think our quests are going to take even longer now that he'll keep detouring to gather things. I fully expect he'll be a billionaire by the end of his WFH day.

I'm now reading golf, the Open at Sandwich is amazing. Very exciting..

World of Warcraft is proving itself a new testing ground for our real life relationship. We've discovered that, out of rising irritation from looting disputes, we (I) will just stand there and dispassionately watch the other (Weng) get ripped to shreds by a pack of level 18 troll-like humanoids with sharp teeth. We (and I mean we) will also leave the other behind on quests when our playing speeds differ by any margin (/taps foot impatiently), and that we frequently (accidentally) misguide each other which causes more heated debate and frustration on everyone's part. And I'll freely admit that there have been several times when I wish there were a command to get my pet tiger to jump on his tiny dwarf butt.

Marriage preparation in the 21st century? We go back every night and stick it out together.

So there was a fairly substantial lottery pot the other day which naturally garnered significant interest both nationally and within the retail wealth programme I'm working on at the moment. We all pitched in a couple of quid towards tickets and then waited with baited breath.

PM D (and leader of the syndicate): So guys, we won £5.80, not quite the £161m. Let me know what you want to do with the winnings: 1. Distribute at £0.483333 to each of you (although we may need to raise a change request to confirm how the rounding would work and what happens to the balance) and 2. Or could reinvest the winnings in 3 tickets for Friday. If I don't hear back from you, I will assume you're happy to reinvest.

PM J: D, I think there may have been a problem during the requirements gathering process. I thought I'd sent you an email with my favourite numbers: 17, 19. 38, 42 and 45. Lucky stars 9 and 10, but I logged out before I sent it. Fortunately I bought my own ticket, so please do reinvest and I will send you a postcard from the Caymans. Rgds.

PM M: reinvestment? Are we sure it can be built in time? Speculate to accumulate mate, stick it back on!

PM H: I thought reinvestment had been descoped.

PM P: stick it back on again for this Friday, try not to slip this date as well.

PM A: phew, I can close the risk I raised yesterday on the impact of us winning £161m.

Ah, it made me chuckle.

We got engaged Friday night and are still grinning like idiots - it is
very great fun to get given expensive jewellery.

We immediately wanted to update our statuses on Fb but had to hold out
under threat of getting a Tash bashing if she found out that way. Weng
had been warned. We finally got it posted (after a couple of techincal
glitches, like the internet choosing that very moment to cut out) and
it prompted a whole host of good wishes, love, and congratulatory
messages from our friends and family near and far.

Some of the funnier reactions need to be immortalised in writing.

Me: "Is this it?" (in reference to the much bigger event of finally
calling time on our 7.5 year relationship and moving into the next
stage)
Weng: "What do you mean 'is this it'? Not big enough?!"

Mum: "Thank you Weng, thank you, thank you! You make me so happy!"
Me: "Why are you thanking him?!"

My sister and self-proclaimed chief bridesmaid - "OMG!!!b!1! I called
mum! She knew already! Why didn't she tell me?! I'm your maid of
honour right?! I'll tell mum if I'm not!"

From our friends - "I'm shocked", "I'm speechless..", "Oh goodness, really?"

Ivy, Carmen, and Phoebe: "Finally!"